Overview

Lesson Procedure

70-75 minutes of class time across 5 phases.

1. Warm-Up10 minutes
2. Direct Instruction20 minutes
3. Guided Practice15 minutes
4. Independent Practice20 minutes
5. Closure5-10 minutes

1. Warm-Up10 minutes

   Warm-Up Prompt

   "Think of a time someone gave you advice about something you made: a poster, a project, a drawing or a plan for a game. Did you take the advice? How did you decide?"

   Give students three minutes to write, then collect a few answers. Sort them on the board into advice people took and advice they did not. Ask what the advice they took had in common, and steer students toward one idea: useful advice helps the thing you made do its job for the people who will use it. Tell students that today they will watch two writers get feedback from classmates and teachers, and decide, as the writers had to, which feedback to use.

2. Direct Instruction20 minutes

   Show Diagram 1 and name the five ways to strengthen a draft. Point out that the steps are not always in order: a writer who gets feedback may go back to revise, rewrite or even plan again, but editing comes last, because there is no point in fixing the spelling of a sentence that will be cut. Stress that feedback (comments from a reader about a draft) is advice, not orders: the writer decides, and the test for every comment is whether it helps the piece serve its purpose and its reader. Work through the five examples below.

   • Planning

     Science question for a one-paragraph answer: Why do we see lightning before we hear thunder? A student starts writing about a storm she once saw.

     Result: Plan first. Purpose: explain a cause. Reader: the science teacher, who wants the scientific reason. Facts: light travels about 300,000 kilometers per second; sound travels about 343 meters per second in air at 20 °C. Order: the answer, the two speeds, then what that means for a storm 1 kilometer away. The storm story can go.

   • Revising (changing what the draft says)

     History draft: The Great Wall of China is so big that you can see it from space. A teacher comments: "Is this true? Check it."

     Result: The student finds that astronauts report the wall is very hard or impossible to see from orbit without help, because it is long but narrow and close to the color of the land around it. She cuts the claim and revises the sentence to one that is accurate: "The Great Wall is not one wall but many walls, built and rebuilt over centuries."

   • Editing (correcting conventions)

     The colonists was angry about the tax on tea, they dumped it into Boston Harbor in 1773.

     Result: "The colonists were angry about the tax on tea, so they dumped it into Boston Harbor in 1773." (The verb agrees with the plural subject, and "so" joins the two independent clauses, which a comma alone cannot do.)

   • Rewriting (starting a section over)

     Lab procedure written as one long sentence: we put water in the cylinder to 50 mL and then we put the rock in and it went up to 62 and so the rock is 12.

     Result: Rewritten from scratch as steps: "1. Fill a graduated cylinder to 50 mL. 2. Tilt the cylinder and slide the rock in gently. 3. Read the new water level: 62 mL. 4. Subtract: 62 mL - 50 mL = 12 mL, so the rock's volume is 12 cubic centimeters." (One mL equals one cubic centimeter.)

   • Trying a new approach

     A hallway poster on the water cycle is written as three long paragraphs, and a classmate says, "Nobody walking by will read all that."

     Result: The writer changes the whole plan: a labeled diagram with four arrows (evaporation, condensation, precipitation, collection) and one short caption for each. The facts stay the same; the form now fits readers who pass by in a few seconds.

   Now read Maya's work in order: her first draft (Text 1), the transcript of her writing conference with her teacher, Ms. Brennan, and a classmate, Sam (Text 2), and her second draft (Text 3). Maya's assignment was one paragraph of 150-200 words for Ms. Brennan, answering the question How did Gutenberg's printing press change the way ideas spread in Europe? As they read, students mark each change between the drafts R (revising), E (editing), W (rewriting) or N (new approach), and draw a line from each change to the comment in Text 2 that led to it.

   Johannes Gutenberg was born in Mainz, Germany, around 1400. He had a lot of jobs and he had money problems for most of his life. Gutenberg invented printing around 1450. His press used little metal letters that could be moved around, and it was super fast, basically like the internet. He printed the Gutenburg Bible, which is really famous. Today fewer than 50 copies are left and they are worth millions. Before the printing press, monks had to copy every book by hand. After it, their were lots more books. That is how the printing press changed Europe.

   Ms. Brennan: Before we talk about sentences, read me the question you are answering.

   Maya: "How did Gutenberg's printing press change the way ideas spread in Europe?"

   Ms. Brennan: Good. Sam, you are the reader today. After the first three sentences, what have you learned about ideas spreading?

   Sam: Nothing yet. I learned where he was born and that he had money problems.

   Maya: I thought I had to start at the beginning of his life.

   Ms. Brennan: That is one way to begin a biography. But your purpose is to explain a change. What was Europe like before the press, and what was it like after?

   Maya: Before, books were copied by hand. After, there were many more books.

   Sam: That's your whole answer, but it's at the end. Maybe it should be first. I also think you should add a part about how paper is made, so it's longer.

   Ms. Brennan: Maya, you decide. Would a part about paper help me understand how ideas spread?

   Maya: Not really. My question is about the press, not about paper.

   Ms. Brennan: One more thing. You wrote "Gutenberg invented printing." Check page 2 of our class notes.

   Maya: Oh. Printing with movable type was used in China and Korea before Gutenberg, so he did not invent printing. He built a new kind of press with metal type in Europe.

   Ms. Brennan: Right. And "basically like the internet" is a comparison a reader might enjoy, but is it accurate?

   Sam: The internet is instant. Printing a whole book on a hand press still took a long time.

   Maya: I could try a new approach. I could start with before and after, and then use the Luther example from our notes to show ideas spreading.

   Ms. Brennan: Try it. Then fix the spelling and grammar last, after the paragraph says what you want it to say.

   Before about 1450, every book in Europe had to be copied by hand, usually by trained scribes, and a single book could take months to finish. Books were rare and expensive, so new ideas traveled slowly. Johannes Gutenberg changed that in Mainz, Germany, when he built a printing press that used movable metal type. Printing with movable type had been used earlier in China and Korea, but Gutenberg's press made printing fast and cheap enough to spread across Europe. Around 1455, he printed a Bible, now called the Gutenberg Bible. By 1500, presses were at work in more than 200 European cities, and historians estimate that millions of books had been printed. More copies meant that more people could read the same ideas at nearly the same time. For example, after Martin Luther wrote his Ninety-Five Theses in 1517, printers in several cities reprinted them, and his ideas spread across Germany within months. In this way, the printing press turned ideas that once belonged to a few readers into ideas that thousands could share.

3. Guided Practice15 minutes

   Pairs turn to science. Leo's class ran the pill bug lab in the handout (Text 4), and his group's counts are in Table 1. His teacher, Dr. Ames, asked for a conclusion of 80-120 words that answers the research question with a claim, evidence from the data and reasoning, plus one limitation of the test. Pairs read Leo's first draft (Text 5), look at Table 1 and Diagram 2, and read the comments from Dr. Ames and from Kai, Leo's lab partner (Text 6).

   Pairs then make a revision plan for Leo on a two-column chart: use and set aside. Every comment goes in one column with a reason that names the purpose or the reader. Finally, pairs number the comments in the use column in the order Leo should work on them, and write one sentence explaining why editing comments come last.

   Table 1: Leo's group, pill bugs on each half of the tray (invented data)

   1Pill bugs, also called roly-polies, are small animals that live under logs, stones and dead leaves. Although people often call them bugs, they are not insects. They are crustaceans, the group that includes crabs and shrimp, and they have seven pairs of legs. Pill bugs breathe through gill-like structures on the underside of the body, and these structures work only when they are moist. A pill bug in dry air loses water from its body. When it is disturbed, a pill bug can roll into a ball.

   2Research question: Do pill bugs move toward a damp surface or a dry surface?

   3Setup: Line one half of a tray with a damp paper towel and the other half with a dry paper towel. The damp towel should be moist, not dripping. Place five pill bugs on each half. Every 2 minutes for 10 minutes, count the pill bugs on each half.

   4Care: Handle pill bugs gently with a soft brush or a spoon. At the end of the lab, your teacher will return them to where they were found or to their classroom container. Wash your hands afterward.

   Table 1: Leo's group, pill bugs on each half of the tray (invented data)

   Time (minutes)	On the damp half	On the dry half
   0	5	5
   2	6	4
   4	7	3
   6	8	2
   8	8	2
   10	9	1

   Our experiment proves that pill bugs love water. Pill bugs are insects, and insects need to drink a lot. At first the bugs were spread out but then most of them went to the wet side. This is because they like it there. Also one pill bug rolled into a ball, it was so cute. Next time we should use more bugs and maybe test ants to. In conclusion pill bugs like damp places better then dry places.

   Dr. Ames, science teacher:
   1. Remember your reader: I am reading for claim, evidence and reasoning. Your claim should answer the research question: damp or dry?
   2. "Proves" is a strong word for one trial with 10 pill bugs. What word fits better?
   3. Where are your numbers? Use Table 1.
   4. Check your science: are pill bugs insects? Reread the lab handout.
   5. Your reasoning should explain why pill bugs would move to the damp side. "They like it there" does not explain anything yet.
   6. Give one limitation of this test.

   Kai, lab partner:
   1. I liked the part about the one that rolled into a ball. Keep it, it's funny!
   2. Maybe add a joke at the end so it's not boring.
   3. You spelled "than" wrong in the last sentence.

4. Independent Practice20 minutes

   Each student writes Draft 2 of Leo's conclusion (80-120 words), following the revision plan from Guided Practice. The draft must answer the research question, use at least two numbers from Table 1, explain the result with a fact from the handout (Text 4) and name one limitation. Students revise first and edit last: when the content is done, they read the draft once for conventions only, checking commas after introductory words, homophones such as than/then and to/too, and sentences joined by a comma alone.

   Students then trade drafts with a partner, who reads it as Dr. Ames would and writes one sentence that begins "As your reader, I still need..." Writers decide whether to use the comment and note why.

5. Closure5-10 minutes

   Exit ticket: (1) Name one change Maya made that was revising and one that was editing. (2) Write one comment from Text 6 that Leo should set aside, and say why. (3) What question will you ask about the next comment you get on your own writing?

   Hand out Ana's guide and its feedback (Texts 7 and 8) for the homework and read the directions together.

   Teacher notes: Maya, Leo, Ana, their classmates, their teachers and the pill bug data are invented; the facts about Gutenberg, the printing press, pill bugs and microscopes are real. If you run the pill bug lab, collect pill bugs yourself from leaf litter or under logs, or buy them from a biological supplier, and keep the damp towel moist but not wet, so that no animal can drown. Keep the tray out of direct sun and away from heaters, and end the test after 10 minutes. Students handle the animals gently with a soft brush or spoon. At the end of the lab, pill bugs collected outdoors go back where they were found; pill bugs from a supplier should not be released, so keep them in a classroom container with damp soil and leaf litter. Students wash their hands afterward.

   Microscopes were first made about 400 years ago and they are very important in science. To use it, put the slide on the stage and use the stage clips and then turn the coarse adjustment knob until you see something, then use the fine adjustment. Make sure your on the lowest power objective first. The light should be on. Its important to be careful. Higher power objectives make things look bigger then low power. Have fun looking at cells!

   Mr. Castillo, fourth-grade teacher (by email): My students read at about a fourth-grade level, and most of them have never used a microscope. They will need to know what the stage and the knobs are. Could each step be its own line? Please also remind them not to turn the big knob toward the slide while they look through the eyepiece. Last year a slide cracked that way.

   Elif, classmate: I like "Have fun looking at cells!" It's friendly. You could add the history of microscopes, like who invented them, to make it more interesting. Also, "your" should be "you're."

   Ms. Rhee, science teacher: Before you revise, check the order of your steps. Which step has to happen before the slide goes under the lens?

Differentiation Strategies

Assessment Guidance

1. Question 1 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   Ms. Brennan's question is How did Gutenberg's printing press change the way ideas spread in Europe? Which sentence of Maya's Draft 1 (Text 1) does the least to answer it?

   A"Before the printing press, monks had to copy every book by hand." B"His press used little metal letters that could be moved around, and it was super fast, basically like the internet." C"He had a lot of jobs and he had money problems for most of his life." D"After it, their were lots more books."

2. Question 2 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   In the conference (Text 2), Ms. Brennan asks Sam what he has learned "about ideas spreading" after the first three sentences. What is she checking?

   AWhether the opening does the job the question asks for BWhether Sam has read enough history to understand the whole draft CWhether the first few lines of the draft have any spelling mistakes DWhether Maya has written enough words to meet the length limit

3. Question 3 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   Which change from Draft 1 (Text 1) to Draft 2 (Text 3) is editing rather than revising?

   ACutting the sentences about Gutenberg's birth and his money problems BMoving the before-and-after idea to the start of the paragraph CAdding the example of Martin Luther's Ninety-Five Theses DChanging "Gutenburg" to "Gutenberg" in the Bible sentence

4. Question 4 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   Why does Draft 2 (Text 3) no longer say that "Gutenberg invented printing"?

   AMs. Brennan asked Maya to take every date out of her paragraph BPrinting with movable type was used earlier in China and Korea CSam said that the sentence made the paragraph too short to hand in DGutenberg's press used carved wooden type rather than metal type

5. Question 5 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   Sam suggests adding a part about how paper is made, "so it's longer" (Text 2). Why is Maya right not to use this suggestion?

   APeers are not allowed to make suggestions during a writing conference BPaper was not used anywhere in Europe until long after Gutenberg's time CIt would add words without helping answer the question about ideas DMs. Brennan told her that history paragraphs must always be short

6. Question 6 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   What new approach does Maya try in Draft 2 (Text 3)?

   AShe builds it as a change from before to after, then gives an example BShe turns the paragraph into a list of dates in order, from 1400 to 1517 CShe tells the story of Gutenberg's life, from his birth to his last years DShe writes the paragraph as a letter from Gutenberg to his first readers

7. Question 7 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   Which comment from a peer in the conference (Text 2) led to the biggest change in Draft 2 (Text 3)?

   A"I also think you should add a part about how paper is made, so it's longer." B"Printing a whole book on a hand press still took a long time." C"I learned where he was born and that he had money problems." D"That's your whole answer, but it's at the end. Maybe it should be first."

8. Question 8 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   Which sentence of Leo's Draft 1 (Text 5) claims more than one trial with 10 pill bugs can show?

   A"At first the bugs were spread out but then most of them went to the wet side." B"Our experiment proves that pill bugs love water." C"Next time we should use more bugs and maybe test ants to." D"In conclusion pill bugs like damp places better then dry places."

9. Question 9 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   Dr. Ames asks, "Where are your numbers?" (Text 6). Which sentence uses Table 1 accurately?

   ABy the end, all 10 of the pill bugs had moved to the damp half of the tray. BAt 6 minutes, 8 pill bugs were on the dry half and 2 on the damp half. CAfter 10 minutes, 9 of the 10 pill bugs were on the damp half of the tray. DThe count on the damp half went up every 2 minutes without ever stopping.

10. Question 10 of 20 · Multiple Choice

    Dr. Ames writes, "Check your science: are pill bugs insects?" (Text 6). Which revision is accurate, according to the lab handout (Text 4)?

    APill bugs are not insects; they are grouped with crabs and shrimp. BPill bugs are insects, but they are the only insects that live under logs. CPill bugs are spiders, because they have more than six legs on their bodies. DPill bugs are worms, because they live in the soil and hide from the sun.

11. Question 11 of 20 · Multiple Choice

    Leo's reader is Dr. Ames, who is reading for claim, evidence and reasoning. Which comment in Text 6 should Leo work on first?

    AKai: "You spelled 'than' wrong in the last sentence." BKai: "Maybe add a joke at the end so it's not boring." CKai: "I liked the part about the one that rolled into a ball." DDr. Ames: "Your claim should answer the research question."

12. Question 12 of 20 · Multiple Choice

    Kai wants Leo to keep the sentence about the pill bug that "rolled into a ball" (Text 6). What is the best response for Leo?

    AKeep the sentence as written, because a partner's praise shows that it works BSet the comment aside, since the sentence does not help his claim CMove the sentence to the start, because a cute detail makes a strong claim DKeep the sentence and add three more stories about other pill bugs he saw

13. Question 13 of 20 · Multiple Choice

    Which is the correct edit of the last sentence of Leo's Draft 1 (Text 5)? In conclusion pill bugs like damp places better then dry places.

    AIn conclusion, pill bugs like damp places better then dry places. BIn conclusion pill bugs like damp places better, than dry places. CIn conclusion, pill bugs like damp places better than dry places. DIn Conclusion pill bugs like damp places better than dry places.

14. Question 14 of 20 · Multiple Choice

    Before he wrote Draft 1 (Text 5), which planning step would have helped Leo most?

    AList the research question and the numbers from Table 1 that answer it BDecide to make the conclusion as long as he can, so that it will look complete CChoose a few jokes to include, so that his reader will stay interested to the end DPick a new animal to test in the next lab before he finishes this lab report

15. Question 15 of 20 · Short Answer

    Quote one comment from the conference (Text 2) that Maya used in Draft 2 (Text 3). Quote the change it led to, and explain in one or two sentences how the change serves Ms. Brennan's purpose.

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16. Question 16 of 20 · Short Answer

    Rewrite the first sentence of Leo's Draft 1 (Text 5), "Our experiment proves that pill bugs love water," so that it answers the research question with a claim the data can support, and include one number from Table 1.

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17. Question 17 of 20 · Short Answer

    Dr. Ames asks for one limitation of the test (Text 6). Write one or two sentences for Leo's conclusion that name a real limitation and say how it could affect the result.

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18. Question 18 of 20 · Short Answer

    Rewrite this sentence from Maya's Draft 1 (Text 1) for Ms. Brennan, keeping it formal and accurate: "His press used little metal letters that could be moved around, and it was super fast, basically like the internet."

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19. Question 19 of 20 · Short Answer

    Write a feedback comment on Leo's Draft 1 (Text 5) in three parts: one piece of praise, one question and one suggestion. All three must focus on how well the draft serves its purpose and its reader, Dr. Ames.

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20. Question 20 of 20 · Short Answer

    Explain the difference between revising and editing, using one example of each from Leo's Draft 1 (Text 5).

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These standards connect to WHST.6-8.5: prerequisites to review first, parallel standards at the same level, and next steps that build on it.

Standard text: Common Core State Standards for English Language Arts & Literacy. © Copyright 2010. National Governors Association Center for Best Practices and Council of Chief State School Officers. All rights reserved.