L.7.3: Choosing Precise, Concise Language and Cutting Wordiness and Redundancy
In plain English: L.7.3 is the Common Core grade 7 ELA standard that asks students to use what they know about language when they write, speak, read or listen. Its focus is word choice: students pick words that say an idea precisely and concisely, spot wordiness (extra words that add nothing) and redundancy (saying the same thing twice), and cut them without losing meaning.
Use knowledge of language and its conventions when writing, speaking, reading, or listening.
a.Choose language that expresses ideas precisely and concisely, recognizing and eliminating wordiness and redundancy.
Common Core State Standards for English Language Arts & Literacy · Domain: Language Standards · Cluster: Knowledge of Language · Official standard
Students learn to choose language that says an idea precisely (in exact words) and concisely (with no wasted words). They learn to recognize two problems and fix them: wordiness, using more words than an idea needs, such as due to the fact that for because, and redundancy, saying the same meaning twice, such as free gift. The standard covers writing, speaking, reading and listening, so students revise drafts, trim a spoken announcement, and pull the message out of wordy texts they read and hear.
The lesson stresses one limit: concise does not mean short. A revision must keep every needed detail, and a precise revision can even be longer than a vague one. Students read Mark Twain's "little rules" for writers from his 1895 essay "Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offences," including "Use the right word, not its second cousin" and "Eschew surplusage," and his list of words he says Cooper used imprecisely. They also revise an invented student draft and an invented announcement.
Learning Objectives
By the end of this lesson, students will be able to:
Replace vague words with precise ones that say exactly what they mean
Recognize wordiness (filler phrases, empty openers, stacked hedges, weak verb + noun) in writing and speech
Recognize redundancy by testing whether a word repeats a meaning already there
Revise sentences and paragraphs to be concise while keeping every needed detail
Find the key message in a wordy text or spoken announcement
Prior Knowledge Required
Students should already be comfortable with:
Expanding, combining and reducing sentences for meaning and style L.5.3
Varying sentence patterns and keeping style and tone consistent L.6.3
Using a thesaurus and dictionary to find a precise word L.6.4
"Three signs say the same thing. (1) Due to the fact that the floor in the hallway is wet at this point in time, we are asking each and every student to please walk slowly. (2) Wet floor. (3) The hallway floor is wet, so please walk slowly. Which sign would you put up in a busy hallway? Which one leaves out something important?"
Have students count the words: sign 1 has 28, sign 2 has 2 and sign 3 has 9. Sign 1 wastes the reader's time: due to the fact that, at this point in time and each and every add words but no meaning. Sign 2 is short but incomplete, because it never says what to do. Sign 3 keeps both facts, the wet floor and the instruction, in 9 words. Tell students that this is the goal of L.7.3: language that is precise (exact) and concise (no wasted words), without cutting what the reader needs.
Direct Instruction15-20 minutes
Part 1: Precise words. A precise word says exactly what you mean. Vague words such as thing, stuff, good, nice, a lot and very + an adjective make the reader guess. Swap them for exact words: very tired becomes exhausted, said loudly becomes shouted, a lot of people becomes about 200 people. Check the new word in a dictionary: a word that is almost right is still wrong.
Part 2: Wordiness.Wordiness means using more words than an idea needs. Watch for four kinds: (1) filler phrases, long phrases with a short twin: due to the fact that (because), at this point in time (now), in order to (to), in the event that (if), a large number of (many); (2) empty openers such as There are ... who, It is ... that and What I mean is, which push the real subject later; (3) stacked hedges, extra softening words such as I think that, in my opinion, basically and really; (4) a weak verb + noun where one verb would do: make a decision (decide), give an explanation (explain), have a discussion (discuss).
Part 3: Redundancy.Redundancy means saying the same meaning twice, often in two words side by side: free gift, end result, return back, red in color, each and every, unexpected surprise, join together. The test: cross out one word. If the meaning does not change, that word was redundant. Wordiness and redundancy often appear together, but they differ: wordiness is a long way of saying one thing, and redundancy is saying one thing twice (Diagram 1).
Part 4: Recognize, then eliminate, in writing, speaking, reading and listening. Use the routine in Diagram 2: spot the extra or vague words, cut or swap them, then reread and ask two questions: Is the meaning the same? Is every needed detail still there? If a detail is gone, put it back. Readers and listeners use the same skill in reverse: in a wordy text or speech, find the few words that carry the message. One caution: speakers sometimes repeat words on purpose for rhythm or emphasis, and that is a choice, not an error.
Wordiness: a filler phrase, plus a redundant ending
Due to the fact that it was raining, the soccer game was postponed until a later date. (17 words)
Result: Revised: Because of the rain, the soccer game was postponed. (9 words). Due to the fact that it was raining is a filler phrase for because of the rain. Postponed already means "moved to a later time," so until a later date says it twice. Nothing the reader needs is lost.
Redundancy: three pairs that say the same thing twice
Each and every member of the chess club received a free gift at the end of the year, and it was an unexpected surprise. (24 words)
Result: Revised: Every member of the chess club received a surprise gift at the end of the year. (16 words). Each and every becomes every; a gift is already free, so free goes; a surprise is already unexpected, so unexpected surprise shrinks to the single word surprise, which now describes the gift.
Wordiness: an empty opener and a weak verb with a noun
There are many students at our school who have made the decision to join the robotics team. (17 words)
Result: Revised: Many students at our school have decided to join the robotics team. (12 words). There are ... who delays the real subject, many students. Made the decision hides the action inside a noun; the verb decided says it directly.
Precision: vague words replaced by exact ones
Our class did a lot of stuff at the science museum, and it was really good. (16 words)
Result: Revised: At the science museum, our class built a paper bridge, watched a lightning show and touched a real meteorite. (19 words). The revision is longer, and that is fine: a lot of stuff and really good tell the reader nothing, while every new word names something the class did. Concise means no wasted words, not the fewest words.
Speaking and listening: filler in a spoken announcement
Spoken: Um, so, basically, what I wanted to tell everybody is that the library is going to be closed this Friday, so, yeah, don't go there on Friday. (27 words)
Result: Concise version: The library will be closed this Friday. (7 words). Spoken filler (um, so, basically, yeah) and the repeated "don't go there on Friday" bury the one fact listeners need. A good listener pulls out that fact; a good speaker plans the sentence before saying it.
Guided Practice15 minutes
In 1895 Mark Twain wrote a funny, harsh essay about The Deerslayer, a frontier adventure novel by James Fenimore Cooper. The essay opens with quotations from two professors and the novelist Wilkie Collins praising Cooper, and Twain answers them. Words to know: decorous (polite and proper), domain (area or field), romantic fiction (here, adventure stories), eschew (avoid), surplusage (extra, unneeded words), slovenliness (sloppiness). Read the excerpt aloud. In pairs, students match rules 12-18 to the ideas from Direct Instruction in the organizer. Model the first row together.
1It seems to me that it was far from right for the Professor of English Literature in Yale, the Professor of English Literature in Columbia, and Wilkie Collins to deliver opinions on Cooper's literature without having read some of it. It would have been much more decorous to keep silent and let persons talk who have read Cooper.
2Cooper's art has some defects. In one place in 'Deerslayer,' and in the restricted space of two-thirds of a page, Cooper has scored 114 offences against literary art out of a possible 115. It breaks the record.
3There are nineteen rules governing literary art in the domain of romantic fiction--some say twenty-two. In Deerslayer Cooper violated eighteen of them. These eighteen require:
[...]
4In addition to these large rules there are some little ones. These require that the author shall:
512. Say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.
613. Use the right word, not its second cousin.
714. Eschew surplusage.
815. Not omit necessary details.
916. Avoid slovenliness of form.
1017. Use good grammar.
1118. Employ a simple and straightforward style.
12Even these seven are coldly and persistently violated in the Deerslayer tale.
Mark Twain, Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offences (the rules of literary art, with rules 1-11 left out) (1895). Public domain (published 1895). Source text.
Twain's "little rules" and L.7.3 (teacher key in the last column)
Twain's rule
In today's words
Link to L.7.3 (teacher key)
12. Say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.
Say exactly what you mean.
Precision
13. Use the right word, not its second cousin.
Pick the exact word, not one that is close.
Precision: the word must fit the meaning, not just sound related
14. Eschew surplusage.
Avoid extra words.
Concision: cut wordiness and redundancy
15. Not omit necessary details.
Do not cut what the reader needs.
The limit on cutting: concise is not the same as short
18. Employ a simple and straightforward style.
Write plainly and directly.
Concision and precision together
Then ask: Twain states rule 14 in two fancy words, eschew surplusage, when plain words (cut extra words) would do. Is he breaking rule 18 while he writes it? (Yes, on purpose: the fancy wording is part of the joke.) Point out that Twain also counts on rule 15: a concise writer cuts extra words, never needed details. Rules 16 and 17 are about form and grammar, which other Language standards cover.
Independent Practice10-15 minutes
Students revise the invented draft below. It has 149 words. They (1) highlight every wordy or redundant phrase in two colors, one for wordiness and one for redundancy; (2) rewrite the paragraph with every fact kept; and (3) count the words in their revision. Partners then trade and check each other's work with the two reread questions from Diagram 2.
In my personal opinion, I think that our class trip to the tide pools was the best trip of the whole entire year. Due to the fact that the tide was low at 9:00 a.m. in the morning, we got there early in order to see as much as possible. There were a large number of sea stars that were orange and purple in color. It is important to note that our guide told us that we should not pick up any of the animals, because they could get hurt. My friend Dev and I sat and looked at a sea anemone for a long period of time while it waved its arms, which are called tentacles, back and forth in the water. At the end of the day, we returned back to school on the bus, and each and every one of us was completely tired and exhausted.
Written for this page (an invented student draft), Draft for revising: Our Trip to the Tide Pools. Original passage written for this page.
Teacher key (one good revision; many are possible, 85 words).Our class trip to the tide pools was the best trip of the year. Because the tide was low at 9:00 a.m., we arrived early to see as much as possible. Dozens of orange and purple sea stars clung to the rocks. Our guide told us not to pick up any animals, because they could get hurt. Dev and I watched a sea anemone wave its tentacles for a long time. At the end of the day, we rode the bus back to school, exhausted. Wordiness cut: In my personal opinion, I think that (stacked hedges), Due to the fact that, in order to, There were a large number of sea stars that were (empty opener and filler), It is important to note that, sat and looked at ... for a long period of time, its arms, which are called tentacles. Redundancy cut: whole entire, 9:00 a.m. in the morning, orange and purple in color, returned back, each and every one of us, tired and exhausted. The reason "because they could get hurt" stays: it is a needed detail. Dozens of and clung to the rocks are more precise than a large number of; if students know the real time, for twenty minutes would beat for a long time.
Closure5 minutes
Exit ticket: Write one wordy sentence about your weekend on purpose, then rewrite it concisely. Label one cut as wordiness or redundancy.
Teacher note on the texts: Both Twain excerpts are quoted exactly, with his British spellings and double hyphens. The essay is deliberately exaggerated: Twain's claim that Cooper scored "114 offences ... out of a possible 115" is a joke, not a count. In the second excerpt, one pair in Twain's list uses a dated term for a weak mind that is now an insult; that pair is left out and marked [...].
For the quiz: Questions 8-11 and 16 use the second Twain excerpt below, in which he lists words he says Cooper used where he meant other words. Words to know: word-sense (a feel for choosing words), flat and sharp (sing slightly too low or too high), circumstantial evidence (facts that point to a conclusion). Questions 12-14 and 17 use the announcement transcript after it.
1Cooper's word-sense was singularly dull. When a person has a poor ear for music he will flat and sharp right along without knowing it. He keeps near the tune, but it is not the tune. When a person has a poor ear for words, the result is a literary flatting and sharping; you perceive what he is intending to say, but you also perceive that he doesn't say it. This is Cooper. He was not a word-musician. His ear was satisfied with the approximate word. I will furnish some circumstantial evidence in support of this charge. My instances are gathered from half a dozen pages of the tale called Deerslayer. He uses “verbal,” for “oral”; “precision,” for “facility”; “phenomena,” for “marvels”; “necessary,” for “predetermined”; “unsophisticated,” for “primitive”; “preparation,” for “expectancy”; “rebuked,” for “subdued”; “dependent on,” for “resulting from”; “fact,” for “condition”; “fact,” for “conjecture”; “precaution,” for “caution”; “explain,” for “determine”; “mortified,” for “disappointed”; “meretricious,” for “factitious”; “materially,” for “considerably”; “decreasing,” for “deepening”; “increasing,” for “disappearing”; “embedded,” for “enclosed”; “treacherous;” for “hostile”; “stood,” for “stooped”; “softened,” for “replaced”; “rejoined,” for “remarked”; “situation,” for “condition”; “different,” for “differing”; “insensible,” for “unsentient”; “brevity,” for “celerity”; “distrusted,” for “suspicious”; [...] “eyes,” for “sight”; “counteracting,” for “opposing”; “funeral obsequies,” for “obsequies.”
Mark Twain, Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offences (Cooper's word-sense) (1895). Public domain (published 1895). Source text.
1Good morning, everybody. So, basically, I just wanted to take a minute to let all of you know about something that is coming up. The Science Club is going to be holding a meeting this Thursday at 3:15 p.m. in the afternoon in Room 12, which is the room that is right next door to the library. At this meeting, the club members will be making a choice about which project the club is going to do for the spring science fair. It is really important for every single member to be there so that they can vote. If it turns out that you are not able to come, please let Ms. Ortiz know about it ahead of time, before the meeting. Also, new members who are joining the club for the first time are welcome to come, too. Thanks, everybody!
Written for this page (an invented announcement; the club, room and teacher are invented), Transcript: a morning announcement. Original passage written for this page.
Differentiation Strategies
For Struggling Students
Give a bookmark of ten filler phrases with their short twins, and five redundant pairs with the extra word crossed out
Start with single sentences that have one problem each before moving to the paragraph
Let students cut on paper strips with scissors, then read the sentence aloud to hear whether it still makes sense
For Advanced Students
Have students cut a 150-word paragraph of their own to 100 words without losing a fact, then explain each cut
Ask students to find a sentence in a published speech where repetition is deliberate and explain why cutting it would weaken the speech
Have students rewrite one of Twain's rules 12-18 in plain words and argue whether his fancy wording breaks his own rule 18
Assessment Guidance
What to Look For
Check that students can name the problem, not just remove words: a filler phrase, an empty opener, a stacked hedge, a weak verb + noun, or a redundant pair. In revisions, look first for lost meaning: a revision that is shorter but drops a time, place, reason or instruction is not concise, it is incomplete. Look for precise replacements, not only deletions, where the original is vague. For speaking and listening, check that students can state the key facts of a wordy announcement and deliver a trimmed version aloud.
02
Classroom Activities
3 Activities
1
Trim Cards
15 minPairs
Each pair gets 10 trim cards, each with one wordy sentence. Partners count the words, name the kind of wordiness, rewrite the sentence concisely, and count again (standard a: recognizing and eliminating wordiness).
Trim Cards
1. The reason why I was late is because the bus broke down.
2. We made a decision to have a discussion about the field trip.
3. It is the coach who makes the choice about the lineup.
4. A large number of the fans stood up in order to cheer.
5. In the event that it snows, school will open late.
6. At this point in time, the team is in need of a goalie.
7. What I mean to say is that the test was very, very hard.
8. There are three students in our class who play the cello.
9. She gave an explanation of the rules to the new players.
10. I basically just think that pizza is really the best lunch.
Procedure
Partner A reads the card aloud and names the problem (filler phrase, empty opener, stacked hedge or weak verb + noun); partner B writes the revision
Both partners count the words before and after, then reread the revision to check that the meaning is the same
Teacher key: (1) I was late because the bus broke down. (12 to 8 words); (2) We decided to discuss the field trip. (12 to 7 words); (3) The coach chooses the lineup. (11 to 5 words); (4) Many fans stood to cheer. (12 to 5 words); (5) If it snows, school will open late. (10 to 7 words); (6) The team now needs a goalie. (13 to 6 words); (7) The test was brutal. (13 to 4 words); (8) Three students in our class play the cello. (11 to 8 words); (9) She explained the rules to the new players. (11 to 8 words); (10) Pizza is the best lunch. (11 to 5 words). Card 7 swaps the vague very, very hard for the precise brutal; card 10 drops the hedges, which turns a stated opinion into a claim.
Discussion Questions
Which cards got shorter by swapping in one precise word instead of just deleting?
On card 10, does cutting I think change the meaning? When might a writer want to keep it?
2
Redundant or Not? Phrase Sort
15 minGroups of 3
Each group gets 12 phrase cards. Six are redundant and six only look similar. Groups use the cross-out test on each card, sort the cards into two piles, and fix the redundant ones (standard a: recognizing and eliminating redundancy).
Phrase Cards
advance planning, advance tickets, close friend, close proximity, final exam, final outcome, repeat again, repeat the question, small and quiet, small in size, true facts, true story
Procedure
One student crosses out a word, one reads the phrase without it, and one decides: same meaning (redundant) or changed meaning (not redundant)
For each redundant phrase, the group writes a short fix and uses it in a sentence
Teacher key: redundant: close proximity (proximity already means closeness: near), final outcome (outcome), true facts (facts), small in size (small), advance planning (planning), repeat again (repeat, unless it is the third time). Not redundant: close friend, final exam, true story (stories can be invented), small and quiet (two different ideas), advance tickets (tickets can also be bought at the door), repeat the question. Six in each pile.
Discussion Questions
Why is true story not redundant when true facts is?
Which pair was hardest to decide, and what settled it?
Modification for Distance Learning
Groups drag digital cards into two columns on a shared slide and type each fix in a text box.
3
Announcement Makeover
15-20 minGroups of 4
Each group gets 4 announcement cards, one per student. Each student reads a wordy card aloud while the others listen and write only the key facts. The group then rewrites each announcement in 25 words or fewer, keeping every fact, and a new reader delivers it (standard a, in speaking and listening).
Announcement Cards
1. Hi, so, um, the thing is that the band concert that was supposed to be on Tuesday has now been moved and changed to Wednesday instead, at 7:00 p.m. at night, in the auditorium.
2. It is important for everybody to remember that yearbook photos are going to be taken this Monday, so basically make sure you dress nicely and look really good.
3. There are a number of lost items in the office, like jackets and water bottles and other stuff, and if they are yours you should go and pick them up by Friday.
4. In my opinion, I think that the canned food drive is really going well, and at this point we have collected a total of 412 cans so far, which is basically great.
Procedure
Listeners write the facts only: what, when, where and what to do
The group compares notes; any fact one listener missed shows where the wordiness buried it
The group writes a version of 25 words or fewer; a different student reads it aloud, and the listeners check that no fact is lost
Teacher key (one version each): (1) The band concert moved from Tuesday to Wednesday at 7:00 p.m. in the auditorium. (2) Yearbook photos are Monday, so dress for the picture. (3) Jackets, water bottles and other lost items are in the office. Pick yours up by Friday. (4) The canned food drive has collected 412 cans. On card 2, look really good is vague; on card 3, other stuff may stay as other lost items because the writer does not know every item.
Discussion Questions
Which card was hardest to follow by ear, and which words got in the way?
Card 4 has an opinion. Did your version keep it? Should it?
Challenge Variation
Groups write their own wordy announcement for a real school event, trade with another group, and time how long each version takes to read aloud.
03
Diagrams & Visual Aids
2 diagrams
Diagram 1: Wordiness and Redundancy
Wordiness is a long way of saying one thing: a filler phrase, an empty opener or a weak verb + noun has a shorter twin. Redundancy says one thing twice: one word repeats a meaning the other already has. In both cases the green words keep the full meaning.
Diagram 2: Spot, Cut or Swap, Reread
Students spot vague, extra or repeated words, cut them or swap in one precise word, and reread with two questions: is the meaning the same, and is every needed detail still there? If not, the detail goes back in. The same routine works for speaking, and in reverse for reading and listening.
04
Homework Assignment
~30 min
L.7.3 Homework: Precise, Concise Language
Directions: Complete all six problems. Use Diagram 2 as a checklist, and a dictionary or thesaurus for Problem 3.
Part 1: Recognize and Fix (Problems 1-3)
Each sentence is wordy. Underline the wordy part, name the kind (filler phrase, empty opener, stacked hedge or weak verb + noun), and rewrite the sentence: (a) At the present time, the pool is closed for repairs. (b) We saved money for the purpose of buying a new tent. (c) It was my little sister who found the missing key. (d) Our coach will give a presentation of the new plays tomorrow.
Each sentence has a redundant pair. Cross out the extra word or words and explain why the sentence means the same without them: (a) The two schools will cooperate together on the fundraiser. (b) The sum total of our donations was $540. (c) The company showed off its new innovation at the fair. (d) As an added bonus, the ticket includes free parking.
Replace each vague word or phrase in bold with a precise one, and explain what your word tells the reader that the old one did not: (a) The movie was good. (b) She walked into the room after her team lost. (c) He scored a lot of points. (d) The weather on the camping trip was bad.
Part 2: Revise, Judge and Listen (Problems 4-6)
Revise this invented paragraph (88 words) so it is concise and keeps every fact. Write your word count, and label three cuts as wordiness or redundancy: The science fair was held in the gym on the date of March 14. There were over sixty projects that were on display. In my opinion, I believe that the best project was one that had been made by a seventh grader named Rosa. Her project was about the question of whether plants grow faster when they are given music. She did the experiment for a period of six weeks, and at the end, the final result was that the plants with music did not grow any faster.
For each pair, decide whether the revision is concise or whether it cut a needed detail. Explain, and fix any revision that lost information: (a) Please bring your signed permission slip to Mr. Lee by Friday. Revision: Bring your slip. (b) The reason the bus was late was because of the ice on the road. Revision: The bus was late because of ice on the road. (c) The museum is open from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. every day except Monday. Revision: The museum is open daily.
Listen to a short spoken message: a school announcement, a family member giving directions, or a two-minute video. Write down (a) the key message in one sentence, (b) two wordy or redundant phrases you heard, with a concise version of each, and (c) one place where the speaker repeated a word on purpose, if there was one, and why.
Rubric
Criterion
Full Credit (2 pts)
Partial Credit (1 pt)
No Credit (0 pts)
Recognizing Problems
Every wordy or redundant part found and correctly named
Most found, or found but not named
Few found
Concise Revisions
Revisions cut extra words and keep every needed detail
Revisions cut words but lose a detail, or leave some wordiness
Revisions change the meaning or add words
Precise Words
Vague words replaced by exact ones with a clear reason
Some replacements still vague
No precise replacements
Speaking and Listening
Key message and two trimmed phrases from a real message
Key message or phrases missing
Not attempted
05
Quiz: 20 Questions
Interactive, with answers
Instructions
Questions 8-11 and 16 use the second Twain excerpt in Closure, and Questions 12-14 and 17 use the announcement transcript right after it; paragraph numbers are shown beside each passage. The other questions use new sentences. Your score updates as you answer, and Reset quiz clears everything so you or your students can try again.
Multiple choice: pick an option to check it. Short answer: write your answer, then reveal the model answer.
0 of 20 answered · 0 correct
Question 1 of 20 · Multiple Choice
Which revision of this sentence is concise and keeps its full meaning? At this moment in time, our team is in need of two more volunteers for Saturday.
Answer: B
B swaps at this moment in time and is in need of for the verb needs and keeps both details, two more and Saturday. A cuts the number and the day, which the reader needs. C keeps a redundancy (right now, at this moment) and drops Saturday. D keeps the wordy is in need of and drops more, which changes the meaning.
Question 2 of 20 · Multiple Choice
Which phrase is redundant?
Answer: A
A classmate is already a fellow student in your class, so fellow adds nothing: classmates alone says it. Fellow travelers (B) are people traveling with you, since travelers in general may be strangers. C and D add real information: old tells when you knew the classmates, and friendly describes the neighbors.
Question 3 of 20 · Multiple Choice
Which sentence contains wordiness but no redundancy?
Answer: C
The reason ... is that is a long way of saying because (We won because we practiced every day), but no word repeats another. A (circled around), B (p.m. in the evening) and D (return ... back) each say one idea twice, which is redundancy.
Question 4 of 20 · Multiple Choice
Which revision replaces a weak verb + noun with one precise verb? The principal will make an announcement about the new schedule.
Answer: D
Make an announcement becomes the verb announce, which says the same thing in fewer words. A keeps make an announcement and adds big. B is shorter but vague: talk some does not say the principal is making the schedule public. C makes the phrase even longer with will be making.
Question 5 of 20 · Multiple Choice
Maya wrote, The kitten drank the milk quickly and noisily, lapping it up. She wants one precise verb in place of drank ... quickly and noisily. Which verb fits best?
Answer: B
Slurped means drank noisily, often quickly, so it carries all three ideas in one word. Sipped means drank in small, slow amounts, the opposite of quickly. Tasted means tried a little. Swallowed is accurate but says nothing about the noise, so it loses a detail.
Question 6 of 20 · Multiple Choice
Which sentence is the most precise?
Answer: C
C names exactly what happened: six trees down and a flooded street. A uses a lot of and stuff, B uses really bad things, and D uses many problems, all of which make the reader guess. D also adds the redundant town area.
Question 7 of 20 · Multiple Choice
Jonah cut The pool will close early, at 2:00 p.m., on Wednesday for lifeguard training down to The pool will close early. What is wrong with his revision?
Answer: C
Readers need to know when the pool closes and on which day; Jonah's version drops 2:00 p.m. and Wednesday. Concise means no wasted words, not the fewest words. A and B are wrong because the revision has no extra words and no repeated meaning. D is wrong: close is a precise verb.
Question 8 of 20 · Multiple Choice
In the second Twain excerpt (Closure), Twain writes that Cooper "was not a word-musician. His ear was satisfied with the approximate word." What does Twain mean?
Answer: A
Approximate means close but not exact, and the music comparison says the same: Cooper "keeps near the tune, but it is not the tune." B takes word-musician literally. C describes wordiness, but this paragraph is about choosing the wrong word, not too many. D takes ear literally.
Question 9 of 20 · Multiple Choice
At the end of his list, Twain says Cooper wrote "funeral obsequies" for "obsequies." Obsequies means funeral rites. What problem is Twain pointing out?
Answer: B
Obsequies are already funeral rites, so funeral obsequies says "funeral" twice; the cross-out test leaves the meaning unchanged. A is wrong because there is no long phrase with a short twin. C is wrong because obsequies is precise. D is the opposite: Twain's complaint is an extra word, not a missing one.
Question 10 of 20 · Multiple Choice
Twain says Cooper wrote "stood" for "stooped." What kind of mistake is this?
Answer: D
Stood (was upright) and stooped (bent forward) look and sound alike but mean nearly opposite things, which is Twain's rule 13, the right word and not its second cousin. A describes redundancy. B describes wordiness. C describes Twain's rule 15, which this pair does not break.
Question 11 of 20 · Multiple Choice
Twain says Cooper wrote "brevity" for "celerity." Brevity means shortness, and celerity means speed. Which sentence uses celerity precisely?
Answer: A
Celerity means speed, and A describes moving fast. B, C and D use celerity to mean shortness, which is the very mix-up Twain criticizes: they describe brevity.
Question 12 of 20 · Multiple Choice
In the announcement transcript (Closure), which phrase is redundant?
Answer: B
P.m. already means afternoon or evening, so in the afternoon repeats it. A, C and D each give the listener a needed fact: the day, the event and the place.
Question 13 of 20 · Multiple Choice
Which revision of the announcement's second sentence is concise and keeps every fact?
Answer: C
C keeps the club, day, time, room and landmark and cuts is going to be holding a meeting, in the afternoon and which is the room that is right next door to. A drops the time and the landmark. B keeps the redundant afternoon ... p.m. and the wordy which is. D drops Thursday and Room 12.
Question 14 of 20 · Multiple Choice
A student hears the announcement once. Which set of notes captures its key message?
Answer: D
D lists what, when, where, why and what to do. A keeps filler (basically, thanks everybody) and loses the time and place. B lists names without the time or the purpose. C keeps only vague words, which is what wordiness leaves behind for a listener.
Question 15 of 20 · Short Answer
Revise this sentence so it is precise and concise, then name each problem you fixed: In my opinion, I think that the new playground equipment is basically really nice and it is safe for kids who are young in age.
Model answer:The new playground equipment is sturdy and safe for young children. Problems fixed: stacked hedges (In my opinion, I think that and basically), vague words (really nice became the precise sturdy), and redundancy (young in age: young already refers to age). Kids who are is also trimmed. Rubric line: 2 points for a revision that keeps the meaning and names at least three problems correctly; 1 point for a good revision with the problems unnamed or misnamed.
Question 16 of 20 · Short Answer
In your own words, explain Twain's complaint about Cooper's "word-sense" in the second excerpt. Choose one pair from his list other than stood/stooped or brevity/celerity, and explain how the two words differ.
Model answer: Twain says Cooper chose words that were close to his meaning but not exact: "you perceive what he is intending to say, but you also perceive that he doesn't say it." For example, Cooper wrote "verbal" for "oral"; verbal means in words, spoken or written, while oral means spoken aloud, so "verbal" is less precise. (Other good pairs: "precaution" for "caution," where a precaution is a step taken ahead of time and caution is carefulness; "rejoined" for "remarked," where to rejoin is to answer back.) Rubric line: 2 points for the main idea supported by a quotation and a pair explained correctly; 1 point for one of the two.
Question 17 of 20 · Short Answer
Rewrite the whole announcement transcript in 40 words or fewer. You may build on your answers to Questions 13 and 14. Keep every fact a listener needs, and list the facts you kept.
Model answer (37 words):Science Club members: on Thursday at 3:15 p.m., meet in Room 12, next to the library, and vote on the club's spring science fair project. If you cannot come, tell Ms. Ortiz beforehand. New members are welcome. Facts kept: Science Club meeting, Thursday, 3:15 p.m., Room 12 next to the library, members vote on the spring science fair project, tell Ms. Ortiz beforehand if absent, new members welcome. Cut: the filler opening, in the afternoon, which is the room that is right next door to, ahead of time, before the meeting (redundant), and who are joining the club for the first time (new members are joining for the first time). Rubric line: 2 points for 40 words or fewer with all facts; 1 point if one fact is missing or the version runs a little long.
Question 18 of 20 · Short Answer
Explain the difference between wordiness and redundancy. Write one new example of each, not taken from this page, and fix both.
Model answer: Wordiness is using a long way to say one thing; redundancy is saying the same thing twice. Wordiness: We left early for the reason that traffic was heavy becomes We left early because traffic was heavy. Redundancy: The baby is eight months old in age becomes The baby is eight months old, because old already refers to age. Rubric line: 2 points for a correct distinction and two correct, fixed examples; 1 point for the distinction with one correct example.
Question 19 of 20 · Short Answer
A student cut On Tuesday, soccer practice will be moved to the upper field, and it will start at 4:30 p.m., so remember to bring your cleats and a water bottle to Practice is moving. Explain what went wrong, and write a concise version that works.
Model answer: The student cut needed details: the day, the new place, the time and what to bring. Without them, a player cannot follow the message, so the revision is short but not concise. A concise version: Tuesday's soccer practice is on the upper field at 4:30 p.m.; bring cleats and a water bottle. It cuts will be moved to, and it will start and remember to, and every fact stays. Rubric line: 2 points for naming the lost details and writing a complete, concise version; 1 point for one of the two.
Question 20 of 20 · Short Answer
A speaker says, We came to learn, we came to work, and we came to win. A classmate wants to cut it to We came to learn, work and win. Is the original redundant? Explain when repeated words are a good choice.
Model answer: The original is not redundant in the error sense: each part adds a new idea (learn, work, win), and the repeated we came is deliberate, giving the line rhythm and emphasis, which a speech audience will remember. The shorter version is fine in a written report. Repetition is a good choice when it builds emphasis or rhythm, especially in speeches; it is a problem when it adds words without adding meaning or effect. Rubric line: 2 points for recognizing the deliberate repetition and explaining when it helps; 1 point for a correct judgment without a reason.
0 of 20 answered · 0 correct
06
Frequently Asked Questions
10 Questions
What does L.7.3 mean?
L.7.3 means that seventh graders use what they know about language to choose words that say an idea exactly and without waste.
Its one part, L.7.3a, asks them to recognize and eliminate wordiness and redundancy in writing and speech, and to notice them when they read and listen.
What is the difference between wordiness and redundancy?
Wordiness is a long way of saying one thing; redundancy is saying one thing twice.
In order to is wordy (use to). Free gift is redundant, because every gift is free. Both waste the reader's time, and both are fixed by cutting or swapping words.
Does concise mean short?
No. Concise means no wasted words, and a concise sentence keeps every detail the reader needs.
A revision that drops a time, place or instruction is incomplete, not concise. A precise revision can even be longer, because specific words replace vague ones.
What are examples of wordy phrases students should cut?
Filler phrases with short twins, empty openers, stacked hedges and weak verbs with nouns.
Examples: due to the fact that (because), There are many students who (many students), I basically think (cut it), and give an explanation (explain).
What does precise language mean in L.7.3?
Precise language uses the exact word for the idea instead of a vague or almost-right one.
Shouted is more precise than said loudly, and about 200 people is more precise than a lot of people. Mark Twain put it as "Use the right word, not its second cousin."
Is repeating words always a mistake?
No. Repetition is a mistake when it adds words without adding meaning, and a choice when it adds rhythm or emphasis.
Speeches and poems often repeat a phrase on purpose. Students should be able to explain why a repetition helps before keeping it.
How is L.7.3 tested?
L.7.3 is usually tested with revision questions: students choose the most concise version of a sentence that keeps its meaning.
Many state tests use this format in editing passages, and writing rubrics reward precise, economical word choice. Classroom tests often add short revisions and explanations of each cut.
How does L.7.3 connect to L.6.3 and L.8.3?
L.6.3 asks students to vary sentence patterns and keep a consistent style and tone; L.7.3 narrows the focus to precise, concise word choice.
L.8.3 moves on to choosing active or passive voice and verb mood for effect. All three belong to the Knowledge of Language strand.
How can parents help with concise writing at home?
Ask your child to read a draft aloud and point to any words they could cut without changing the meaning.
Texting a clear message to a coach, or leaving a short note with a time and place, is real practice in keeping every fact while cutting the rest.
Should students use a thesaurus for L.7.3?
Yes, to find a precise word, but they should check the new word in a dictionary before using it.
Thesaurus words are close in meaning, not identical. A word that is almost right is the "second cousin" Twain warns against.
07
Related Standards
6 standards
These standards connect to L.7.3: prerequisites to review first, parallel standards at the same level, and next steps that build on it.
Before this lesson
L.5.3Prerequisite
Expand, combine and reduce sentences for meaning, interest and style
Lesson coming soon
L.6.3Prerequisite
Vary sentence patterns and keep style and tone consistent
