Overview

Lesson Procedure

65-65 minutes of class time across 5 phases.

1. Warm-Up10 minutes
2. Direct Instruction20 minutes
3. Guided Practice15 minutes
4. Independent Practice15 minutes
5. Closure5 minutes

1. Warm-Up10 minutes

   Warm-Up Prompt

   "Think about your first week at a new school, a new team or a new club. What is one thing you wish someone had told you before you started?"

   Take a few answers and write them on the board. Most of them will be small, practical things: where to go, what to bring, whom to ask. Point out that these are what a new person really wants to know, and that a writer only finds them out by asking readers or by listening to people who know them.

   Introduce the situation the lesson follows. Noor, a sixth grader at Cedar Hollow Middle School, is writing a one-page guide for fifth graders from Birch Hill Elementary, who visit on Step-Up Day, the morning they tour the middle school before they start there. The guide must be 200 words or fewer so it fits on one page next to a school map. Noor, her classmates, her teachers and both schools are invented for this lesson.

   Read Noor's first draft aloud. Each student writes one sentence: what would a nervous fifth grader know after reading it?

   1Middle school is a big change from elementary school. On my first day at Cedar Hollow I was so nervous that I could not open my locker. I tried my combination four times, and then I gave up and carried all my books around all day. My backpack felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. It was so embarrassing.

   2There are a lot of rules here. You have to be on time to every class, and they give you a tardy if you are late. Students also have to bring their planner every day. The cafeteria food is okay, but the pizza on Fridays is not that good.

   3You will have six different teachers in six different rooms. It can be confusing at first. Mr. Okafor the vice principal is really nice. If you get lost, don't worry about it.

   4Anyway, I hope you like Cedar Hollow. It is a good school once you get used to it.

2. Direct Instruction20 minutes

   Use Diagram 1 to explain the standard. W.6.5 names five ways to make a piece of writing stronger: planning (deciding the reader, the purpose and what to include before writing), revising (changing what the writing says or how it is organized), editing (fixing grammar, punctuation and spelling), rewriting (writing a part again in new sentences) and trying a new approach (starting over with a different plan or form). The words "as needed" mean a writer picks the ones a draft calls for; not every piece needs all five.

   The standard also says students do this "with some guidance and support from peers and adults." A peer is a classmate. In this lesson the peers are Theo and Hana, and the adults are two teachers: Ms. Adeyemi, Noor's English teacher, and Ms. Park, who teaches fifth grade at Birch Hill. In the full Common Core document, W.6.5 also has a note that editing should show command of the Language standards up to grade 6. Here that means clear pronouns, no shifts between "a student" and "you," and commas around extra information.

   Read Text 2, the writing group transcript. The group uses three steps: one praise (something that works), one question (something the reader would wonder) and one suggestion (one change to try). Then read Text 3, the questions Ms. Park's class wrote.

   1Ms. Adeyemi: Noor has read her draft aloud. Use our three steps: one praise, one question and one suggestion. Before we start, who is going to read this guide?

   2Theo: The fifth graders at Birch Hill. They get it when they visit on Step-Up Day.

   3Ms. Adeyemi: Right. Keep them in mind. Go ahead, Theo.

   4Theo: My praise is the locker story. Everybody is scared of lockers. It made me remember my own first day.

   5Hana: My question is about paragraph 3. You say not to worry if you get lost. But what are they supposed to do?

   6Noor: Go to the office, I guess. Mr. Okafor walked me to science twice when I got lost.

   7Hana: You should put that in! That helps a lot more than "don't worry."

   8Theo: My suggestion is to cut the pizza part. If I were in fifth grade, that would just make me nervous about lunch.

   9Hana: The rules paragraph sounds kind of scary too. It's mostly ways to get in trouble.

   10Ms. Adeyemi: Here is something that might help. Ms. Park, the fifth-grade teacher at Birch Hill, sent me the questions her students wrote about middle school. Noor, read them, and tell us how many of them your draft answers.

   11Noor: I mention some of the same things, like my locker and being late, but I don't really answer any of them. I never even say how to open a locker. Nobody asked about pizza. They want to know about lunch and how to find their classes.

   12Ms. Adeyemi: So what could you do?

   13Noor: What if I just answer their questions? A question, then my answer, then the next question.

   14Ms. Adeyemi: That is trying a new approach. Before you write it, make a plan. Choose the questions you can answer well, and list what you know about each one.

   1What if I can't open my locker?

   2How will I find my classes when there are so many rooms?

   3Can I sit with my friends at lunch?

   4Is there recess in middle school?

   5What happens if I'm late to class?

   6Who do I ask for help if I get lost?

   7Do the teachers give a lot more homework?

   8Can I bring my phone to school?

   Noor's plan for Draft 2, written after the writing group

   Planning question	Noor's answer
   Who is the reader?	Fifth graders at Birch Hill, reading on Step-Up Day
   What is my purpose?	Help them feel ready for their first week
   What form will it take?	Their own questions, each followed by my answer
   Which questions can I answer well?	Questions 1, 2, 3, 5 and 6 in Text 3
   What do I already know?	The locker steps, the room numbers, the lunch tables, the four-minute passing time, the main office
   What must fit?	200 words or fewer; fix commas and pronouns after the content is right

   Noor wrote Draft 2 from this plan. Read it aloud, then work through the five examples. Each one shows one decision and the reason behind it.

   1Hi, fifth graders! I'm Noor, and last year I was at Birch Hill just like you. Your class sent us questions about middle school, so here are my answers.

   2What if I can't open my locker?
   On my first day, I tried my combination four times and then carried my books around all day, so I know how it feels. Turn the dial to the right three times and stop at your first number. Turn it to the left one full turn past your first number and stop at your second number. Then turn it right and stop at your third number. If it still won't open, the office can help.

   3How will I find my classes?
   You get a map with your schedule. Rooms that start with 1 are on the first floor, and rooms that start with 2 are upstairs. During the first week, teachers stand in the halls to point you the right way.

   4Can I sit with my friends at lunch?
   Yes! There are no assigned seats, so you can sit at any table in the cafeteria.

   5What happens if I'm late to class?
   Passing time is four minutes, so if a student stops to talk, you can be late. The teacher marks a tardy, and after three tardies they call your family.

   6Who do I ask if I get lost?
   Go to the main office, it is right by the front doors. Mr. Okafor the vice principal will walk you to class. He did that for me twice!

   • Planning: naming the reader and purpose

     Draft 1 begins "Middle school is a big change from elementary school." Noor started writing without deciding who would read the guide or what they needed. Ms. Adeyemi asks the group, "who is going to read this guide?" (Text 2, paragraph 1).

     Result: Noor's plan names the reader (Birch Hill fifth graders), the purpose (feel ready for the first week) and the questions she can answer well. Planning can happen again in the middle of the process, not only before the first draft.

   • Revising: replacing advice with an action

     Draft 1, paragraph 3: "If you get lost, don't worry about it." Hana asks, "But what are they supposed to do?" (Text 2, paragraph 5).

     Result: Draft 2 gives steps a fifth grader can follow: "Go to the main office" and the vice principal "will walk you to class." Noor added the detail from her own answer to Hana, "Mr. Okafor walked me to science twice."

   • Trying a new approach: from a short essay to questions and answers

     Ms. Adeyemi shares the questions from Ms. Park's class (Text 3), and Noor asks, "What if I just answer their questions?" (Text 2, paragraph 13).

     Result: Draft 2 is built in a new form: each part begins with a reader's question, followed by Noor's answer. A fifth grader can skim to the question she cares about. This is more than a revision, because the plan of the whole piece changed.

   • Editing: a shift from "a student" to "you" (L.6.1c)

     Draft 2, paragraph 5: "so if a student stops to talk, you can be late." The sentence starts in the third person ("a student") and shifts to the second person ("you").

     Result: Draft 3: "so if you stop to talk, you can be late." The guide speaks to its reader as "you" everywhere, so the fix keeps one point of view. The meaning does not change, which is why this is editing and not revising.

   • Editing: a run-on sentence fixed with a clause set off by a comma (L.6.2a)

     Draft 2, paragraph 6: "Go to the main office, it is right by the front doors." Two complete sentences are joined by a comma alone.

     Result: Draft 3: "Go to the main office, which is right by the front doors." The clause "which is right by the front doors" adds extra information about the one main office, so a comma sets it off. A period after "office" would also be correct.

3. Guided Practice15 minutes

   Noor and her classmate Hana held an editing conference on Draft 2, using Ms. Adeyemi's four-point checklist. Pairs read Text 5 and then Text 6, the guide Noor printed. Then they fill in the draft tracker below. Use Diagram 2 to check the last row: it shows which of the fifth graders' eight questions each draft answers.

   1Hana: The word limit comes first. Ms. Adeyemi said 200 words or fewer, so the guide fits on one page next to the school map. I counted 253.

   2Noor: So I have to cut at least 53 words.

   3Hana: The locker answer is the longest. Do they need all of the part about carrying your books around?

   4Noor: I want to keep some of it. It shows that it happens to everybody. But I can say it in fewer words, and I can shorten the opening and a few other answers too.

   5Hana: Okay. Now the checklist. Number 1 says every pronoun points to one clear noun. In the answer about being late, you wrote "after three tardies they call your family." Who is "they"?

   6Noor: The office. I'll write "the office calls your family."

   7Hana: Number 2 says the writing should not shift between "a student" and "you." Look at "if a student stops to talk, you can be late."

   8Noor: The whole guide talks to "you," so I'll write "if you stop to talk, you can be late."

   9Hana: Number 3 is commas around extra information. What about "Mr. Okafor the vice principal"?

   10Noor: There is only one vice principal, so that part is extra information about Mr. Okafor. It needs a comma on both sides.

   11Hana: Number 4: "Go to the main office, it is right by the front doors." That's two sentences joined by only a comma.

   12Noor: I'll change it to "Go to the main office, which is right by the front doors."

   13Ms. Adeyemi: Nice work, both of you. Before you print it, read it one more time as if you were a fifth grader who has never been inside this building.

   1Hi, fifth graders! I'm Noor, and last year I was at Birch Hill too. Here are answers to your questions.

   2What if I can't open my locker?
   On my first day, my locker wouldn't open, so I carried my books all day. Turn the dial right three times and stop at your first number. Turn left one full turn past that number and stop at your second. Then turn right to your third. If it still won't open, the office can help.

   3How will I find my classes?
   You get a map with your schedule. Rooms starting with 1 are downstairs, and rooms starting with 2 are upstairs. Teachers in the halls help you the first week.

   4Can I sit with my friends at lunch?
   Yes! The cafeteria has no assigned seats.

   5What happens if I'm late to class?
   Passing time is four minutes, so if you stop to talk, you can be late. After three tardies, the office calls your family.

   6Who do I ask if I get lost?
   Go to the main office, which is right by the front doors. Mr. Okafor, the vice principal, will walk you to class. He did that for me twice!

   Draft tracker (pairs fill in the blank cells)

   Question	Draft 1 to Draft 2	Draft 2 to Draft 3
   What kind of work was it (planning, revising, rewriting, editing, new approach)?
   Who helped (a peer, an adult, the writer alone)?
   One change, quoted before and after
   Why the change helps a fifth grader
   Word count	158 to 253	253 to 198

   Discuss as a class: Hana checked the word limit before she looked at any commas or pronouns. Would the conference have gone differently if she had started with the checklist?

4. Independent Practice15 minutes

   Students strengthen a draft of their own from any class. (1) Plan: write three lines naming the reader, the purpose and one thing that reader most needs to know. (2) Feedback: trade drafts with a partner for four minutes and use praise, question, suggestion. (3) Change: make one revision (add, cut, move or replace something) and one edit, and label them R and E in the margin. (4) Explain: write two sentences on how the revision helps the reader and who helped you find it.

   Circulate and hold two-minute conferences with a few students, the way Ms. Adeyemi did: ask who the reader is, and what that reader would want to know. A student without a current draft writes a 100-word paragraph first, for a reader they name. The quiz uses Texts 1-6 (Warm-Up, Direct Instruction and Guided Practice).

5. Closure5 minutes

   Exit ticket: (1) Name one change Noor made because of a peer and one she made because of an adult. (2) Write one thing a peer or an adult told you today that you will use in your own draft. Then hand out the homework texts below: Lucia's first draft of a true story for the class book "Things We Figured Out" (Text 7), and the comments from her writing partner and her teacher (Text 8). Lucia, her family, Dev and Mr. Brennan are invented for this lesson.

   1This year for the science fair, me and my cousin Ana decided to build a bridge out of craft sticks. First we went to the store to buy the craft sticks and the glue. Then we went home. My dad who is an electrician let us use the garage. We worked on it for three weekends. We made it out of squares because squares were easy to glue.

   2A week before the fair, we tested it. My dad put a small bucket on top of our bridge, and we poured sand into it slowly. It bent and then it snapped in the middle. I felt terrible.

   3After that we rebuilt it with triangles instead of squares. Ana and her sister helped, and she said triangles are the strongest shape. At the fair, it held the whole bucket of sand. So in the end it was a good science fair.

   1Dev (Lucia's writing partner): My praise is the part where it snapped. I could hear it. But it doesn't happen until paragraph 2, and the part about the store and the glue is slow. My question is, how much sand did the new bridge hold?

   2Mr. Brennan (Lucia's teacher): Remember the reader. This goes in our class book, "Things We Figured Out," so your classmates want to know what you figured out. Right now the last sentence only says it was a good science fair. Also, is a triangle really "the strongest shape"? Here is the idea engineers use: you cannot push a triangle out of shape unless one of its sides bends or breaks, but you can squash a square into a diamond without bending any side. That is why so many bridges and roofs are built from triangles.

   3Lucia: What if I start with the snap? The sand is pouring in, and then crack. Then I go back and tell how we built it.

   4Mr. Brennan: That is a new approach worth trying. Make a plan first, so you know where each part goes.

Differentiation Strategies

Assessment Guidance

1. Question 1 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   In Text 2, Theo praises the locker story. Why is that praise useful to Noor?

   AIt tells her the story is the only part of the draft worth keeping, so she can delete the rest. BIt tells her which part already works for a reader, so she keeps a short version of it. CIt tells her to turn the whole guide into a longer story about her first day. DIt tells her that the locker story has no mistakes in grammar or punctuation.

2. Question 2 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   Why does Theo suggest cutting the sentence about the Friday pizza?

   AIt could make a fifth grader nervous about lunch, and it does not help them. BIt is too long for a guide that must fit on one page, at 200 words or fewer. CIt contains a pronoun that could refer to two different people in the school. DMs. Adeyemi had told the group that food is not allowed in the guide.

3. Question 3 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   After reading the fifth graders' questions, what does Noor realize about Draft 1?

   AIt answers every one of their questions, but in the wrong order for them. BIt is far too short to answer even one of their questions in any way. CIt touches on some of their topics but does not really answer any of them. DIt answers the lunch question well but leaves out the locker.

4. Question 4 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   Which change from Draft 2 to Draft 3 is editing rather than revising?

   AShortening the story about trying the combination and carrying books all day BShortening the opening paragraph to fit the word limit CCutting "so you can sit at any table" from the lunch answer DChanging "they call your family" to "the office calls your family"

5. Question 5 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   Draft 1, paragraph 2, is a list of rules. Which part of it does Noor keep, in a new form, in Draft 2?

   AThe rule about bringing a planner to every class, every single day BThe rule about being on time, which turns into the answer about being late CThe sentence saying the cafeteria food is okay but the pizza is not DThe whole rules paragraph, moved to the end of the new guide

6. Question 6 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   In Text 5, why does Noor decide that "Mr. Okafor the vice principal" needs commas?

   AThere is only one vice principal, so the phrase is extra information. BEvery name in a sentence must have a comma right after it, like a pause. CThe phrase is a complete sentence and needs to be separated from the rest. DHana told her that commas make a sentence sound more polite and friendly.

7. Question 7 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   Choose the pronoun that correctly completes the sentence: Hana and ___ counted the words in the draft.

   Ame Bmyself CI Dus

8. Question 8 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   Which sentence uses an intensive pronoun correctly?

   ATheo and myself handed out the maps on Step-Up Day. BThe vice principal gave the tour to Noor and myself. CThe fifth graders asked theirselves where the gym was. DNoor herself walked the fifth graders to the gym.

9. Question 9 of 20 · Multiple Choice

   Which revision makes the pronoun clear? Theo told Mr. Okafor that he had left his planner in the gym.

   ATheo told Mr. Okafor that he had left the planner in the gym. BTheo told Mr. Okafor, "I left my planner in the gym." CHe told Mr. Okafor that Theo had left his planner in the gym. DTheo told him that he had left his planner in the gym.

10. Question 10 of 20 · Multiple Choice

    Choose the correctly punctuated sentence.

    ABirch Hill Elementary, which is two miles from Cedar Hollow, sends, about 90 students each year. BBirch Hill Elementary, which is two miles from Cedar Hollow, sends about 90 students each year. CBirch Hill Elementary, which is two miles from Cedar Hollow sends about 90 students each year. DBirch Hill Elementary which is two miles from Cedar Hollow, sends about 90 students each year.

11. Question 11 of 20 · Multiple Choice

    In Text 5, Hana checks the word limit before she starts the editing checklist. Why is that a sensible order?

    AThe checklist is optional, and the word limit is the only rule that matters. BCounting words is faster than editing, so it is always done first. CSentences that get cut do not need editing, so cutting first saves work. DMs. Adeyemi grades the word count and not the commas.

12. Question 12 of 20 · Multiple Choice

    In Text 2, what kind of help does Ms. Adeyemi give that Theo and Hana do not?

    AShe corrects the commas and pronouns in Noor's draft. BShe tells Noor exactly which new sentences to write. CShe praises the locker story in the first paragraph. DShe brings in what the real readers want to know.

13. Question 13 of 20 · Multiple Choice

    Draft 3 still begins the locker answer with a sentence about Noor's own first day. Why does she keep it?

    AIt shows the reader that a stuck locker happens to everybody. BIt is the only sentence in the guide without an editing mistake. CIt fills space so the guide reaches exactly 200 words. DHana tells her the story has to be kept word for word.

14. Question 14 of 20 · Multiple Choice

    A classmate suggests adding a paragraph to Draft 3 about Noor's favorite elective, art. What is the best response?

    AAccept, because more information about Noor makes the guide feel much friendlier. BAccept, but put the paragraph first so fifth graders get to know Noor. CDecline, because no fifth grader asked about electives and the guide is full. DDecline, because a guide for younger students should never mention the writer.

15. Question 15 of 20 · Short Answer

    Compare how Draft 1 (paragraph 1) and Draft 3 (paragraph 2) deal with Noor's locker. Explain which one helps a fifth grader more and why, quoting both.

    Show model answer

16. Question 16 of 20 · Short Answer

    Edit this practice paragraph and name the rule behind each correction: Me and Priya gave the tour on Step-Up Day. Mrs. Lin who is the school librarian walked at the back of the group. When a visitor asked Priya and Mrs. Lin about the gym, she pointed the way.

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17. Question 17 of 20 · Short Answer

    Give Noor feedback on Draft 3 using the three steps from Text 2: one praise, one question and one suggestion. Tie each step to the fifth-grade reader.

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18. Question 18 of 20 · Short Answer

    Noor left out Question 7 in Text 3, "Do the teachers give a lot more homework?" Suppose she wants to add a short answer. Write a plan: what she needs to find out, which adult could help her, and one sentence she might write.

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19. Question 19 of 20 · Short Answer

    Explain the difference between revising and editing, using one quoted change of each kind from Noor's drafts.

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20. Question 20 of 20 · Short Answer

    Ms. Park asks Noor to write a second version of the guide for Birch Hill parents. Name two changes Noor should make for this new reader and explain why, using details from Draft 3.

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These standards connect to W.6.5: prerequisites to review first, parallel standards at the same level, and next steps that build on it.

Standard text: Common Core State Standards for English Language Arts & Literacy. © Copyright 2010. National Governors Association Center for Best Practices and Council of Chief State School Officers. All rights reserved.